In the Darkness

4am before the first light broke the sky, I awoke and was sweat. What’s going on? The fan stopped. All lights went out. Complete darkness.

Was I dreaming? Was it real? I was not quite getting any senses to myself as I wasn’t totally awaken. All I knew was that I felt very uncomfortable. I sat on my bed for about couple minutes trying to make some senses. I felt like everything around me set still. It’ seemed that all were in their sleeps but me. It’s like I was in another world. It was very quiet both inside and outside. All I heard was only my own heart beat.

I turned left and right. I was taring at the blank TV screen in front of me like it was an alien object from the other world. There was no sigh of any living things. I was slow getting off my bed and walking to the bathroom hoping to splash my face for some freshness. There was no water coming out of the faucet. For God sake! Then I knew now the power was out. At first, I thought that some electric circuits must be tipped. I walked into the darkness to the electric control box to check for any problem. NOTHING! Then I walked over to another main control box; again there was nothing wrong.

“I need my sleep.”, that’s what I told myself. It’s very annoying. My felt unrested and yet tried to fix something that wasn’t even needed to be fixed. I was very upset and there was nothing to be blamed.

I kept walking up and down for couple of times as I was trying to find some reasons behind this circumstance. On my third round, as I was walking pass the windows, I noticed that there were no light outside at all. The whole area was in the total blackout. Now I knew that I had nothing to do anymore. It’s out of my control. So I decided to go back to my room and thought that I could try to get some sleep.

Now, sitting on my bed again, I finally felt that I had to let it go. “Now you know what to do, don’t you?”, my mind talked to me.

“Yes, now I know why I felt so frustrated and uncomfortable.”, I answered.

“Why?”, my mind asked.

“Because I am not trying to understand and look at the core of the problem.”, I answered the best I could.

“And why do you have to running around the house like a nut case?”, my mind asked.

“Because I am hot and I want my sleep. The fan is not working and the water is not running.” I was still upset.

“Are you sure?”, my mind asked in a calm voice.

“I don’t know. Stop bothering me. I needed to get some sleep.”, I told my mind.

“How can you rest with an unrested mind?”, my mind answered with a question. A big question.

“Errr….”, I knew he was right. So…I stopped arguing with my mind.

I attempted to sit still telling myself not to think any longer. Then slowly, my mind was getting into silence and my physical self was gradually resting. Light came into my mind. I had learned from the darkness.

There is always some lights in the darkness.

What is the loudest voice in the darkness and the silence? Do you hear what I hear?

Touch base with yourself

Have you ever felt frustrated with yourself?  Have you ever struggled with something inside that you could not find the answer?  Have you ever wondered why things happened that way or this way?  There are many questions and doubts that still left unclear in my mind.  Will I ever find the answer?  I really don’t know.

During Songkran Holidays each year, I normally stayed home and tried to relax as much as I could.  I would have a lot of time to be with myself and tidy up my life as well as finish the unfinished businesses.  The best thing was to be able to reflect on myself and study my mind.  Being able to do these was such a precious moment for me.  This year was no exception.  I was able to get many things done and tick off my to-do list. Then here comes the questions “Where have I been?  Why did I leave so many things undone?  Things that I would love to do.  Things that would make me feel happy.  Why did I have to postpone them?”  I remembered words from one of the Dhamma books saying that “We, human, are trying very hard to understand and listen to other people around us, but never a single moment for our own self.”  When I read that it wowed me. Later on, I have been searching and seeking ways out for my mind, from books, friends, gurus, and list went on.  Everything ends with one word, meditation.

Thus, one thing that I started to do on this holidays was meditation after stopped doing it for a long time.  I wanted to touch base with myself.  Doing this again brought me back the memory from five or six years when I felt unrested and was down at times.  I felt like I was a rat-race. I did not know what to do to make things better, mainly for myself.  That time, one of my friends asked me if I wanted to go to the temple in the forest learning about meditation.  I said yes in no time.  It’s a big YES for me as I wanted to get out of this messy world at the beginning.  Then arriving at the temple in the forest in Lopburi, I forgot all the reasons behind.  I wanted to really learn meditation and get to know myself.  Typically, I had to stay for a week, unfortunately I could only stay for 3 nights due to the business matter.

I had no one but myself.  I talked to no one.  I learned to be with myself.  It’s such an amazing experience.  On the last day, when I was saying good bye to my “teacher” priest, he told me not to forget practicing what I learned during these three nights here at the temple.  It does not about quantity.  Quality is the key, but you just have to do it.  That period was the most peaceful time of my life.  I could not say I understood the whole thing but I got a glimpse of something that was bigger than anything you could imagine.  Something that I believed that will make me find “a peace of mind”.

Then, back to the real world, I rapidly forgot my “teacher” priest’s words as the waves of things dashing to my mind.  It’s liked that period was never existed.  Nonetheless, subconsciously I always wanted to get back and touched base again.  Three days ago, I woke up and started to do meditation.  I found it very difficult and unsettled.  I could do only 5 minutes.  I told myself that it’s good enough after stopped for a long time.  Today, I can do about 20 minutes.

Is it helpful at all?  I do not have a definite answer.  All I can say is that I feel good about my “inner” self.  I think that’s a good result.  Reflecting to what I wrote at the beginning of this journal, I can say that I am giving the time to understand my mind and listen to myself.  I know it’s a long way to go but if I am not starting to walk now, I will never reach the destination.

There is a saying, “Suffering is created within oneself, suffering is dead within oneself.”  I truly agree with it!

The Bangkok Book Fair 2008

Have you ever been to any book fair? Did I see any hand? For me, book is one of my addictions in life. Every year, entering the hottest month of Thailand, the international and national book fair is normally held at Queen Sirikit Convention Center for a period of ten days and it ended yesterday, Apr 7, 2008. Every year, I look forward to going there.
Two was the number of times that I went o the book fair this year. The first day was on Sunday last week. I parked my car at the MRT’s parking lot and took the MRT to QNCC. The train was packed with people like canned sardines, especially at the connecting station and the QNCC. I’d prepared myself for this but I might be under estimated.
Arriving at QNCC station, I saw people waiting in line to take the train. Leaving the train was as difficult as taking the train. People were pushing each other from all directions. The guards and MRT officers were trying to manage everything at their best. Now, I decided not to be annoyed and just be cooled. I just could not do anything. It’s like being in another planet, where people were heading to the same destination. Just kept walking in line.
At the entrance of the book fair, there was a long queue for having audience’s belongings inspected. It’s just about 11:00 am and there were so many people. I just couldn’t believe it. Last year, the audience were much less than this year. I’d never so closed to strangers like this before. Our bodies were pressing against each other, front and back. Well, I think you could imagine what it’s like. The walk-way to the main hall was full of people and you did not even have to try to walk. People at your back just pushed you and you had to walk even though you did not want to. So, what else could I do? I was pushed forward like I was something that got flushed. (Was I too exaggerated?) It’s just like you were on a production line in a huge factory.
My purpose for going to the book fair today was to check out my new translated book. In Feb, the publishing company called me and asked about the name to be put on the cover. They said it would be out by March. So, it should be out at the book fair, that’s what I thought. But when I was at the publishing booth, I could not go into the booth area at all. People were standing everywhere. There was no space at all. People who wanted to buy books had to get the ticket and they would call out your number respectively. This was a new selling method this year! This queuing method was used by all big booths (meaning big companies) in the event. So I decided to leave. I just lost my motivation. May be I came back again!
On my way back, the train was even more packed than the one I took in the morning. I waited for about 20 minutes, then there was an announcement “We are sorry for any inconvenient you may have. We are now having some circumstance at Klong Toey station. There are too many passengers and the train cannot leave the station. We are now working on it. Thank you very much.” What? I could not believe it. I and the other passengers at QNCC station waited for another 5-10 minutes, then the train arrived. Now, it was such a mess. People wanted to take this train for having waited too long and kept pushing into the front of the line. I was lucky that I was the second in line. It should not be any problem for me to take this train. As I expected, the train could not take all the passengers. The guards had to cut off the line for the train to leave. Some people would be mad, but it could not help.
Thus, I told myself that I would be back again. And I did. I went there on the last day of the event and the situation was pretty much the same. People were fewer than the first time I was here. So, today I would be able to get and see what I wanted. I walked directly to the publishing company that I worked with. Right there! Nothing! Well, they could not finish processing my book on time as they had too many big titles to do. That’s what they told me. So, what should I do? I just had nothing to say but “That’s fine.” I was disappointed! Then I walked to the other booths to get my favorite books, the Japanese mystery novels. I bought 6 of them. After that I just walked around.
Here are the books that I bought this year at the book fair. (Sorry, if you find them scary, but I am a big fan of thriller and mystery books.)
I have nothing against the book fair, but I feel that there is something missing. Something that is the heart of the event. Especially this year, I am not sure if there are any other objectives rather than selling books (from the publishers’ point of view) and getting the highest possible discounts (from the readers’ point of view). I find that it’s getting harder and harder each year to read a good book. I said a “good” book, not the best book. Good is enough.
But then again, what’s a good book? Different people, different standard. I cannot judge anyone. Look at the books I just bought, you might find them dull and boring. That’s fine. At the end of the day, I think it’s good enough for you to read something that you like no matter it’s about romance, comic, politic, etc. Just open up your world.
Anyway, I am happy to see so many people at the book fair. Does it mean Thai people are becoming interested in reading? I really not certain about it. From the statistics I heard recently, Thais have a very low rating on reading comparing to watching TV. Does it mean anything to you at all?
Despite the complaints I have, I am still waiting for the next year book fair.

EP01: for the love of cartoon – “Fujiko F. Fujio”

If I have to say, I would say that Japanese cartoon book or comic book is the most influence media to not only Thai kids but also the adults. I am one of them who still read Japanese cartoon. I would say that I have been growing with it.
Before I could remember anything, I recalled that I had Captain Tsubasa, one of the cartoons about football, in my hands. The world of cartoon was opened by my dad, who at that time worked with an adhesive company selling glue to various types of businesses and one of them was the publishing company called Viboonkij.
Thirty years ago, the copyrights and intellectual property were not truely and widely enforced in Thailand, all of cartoons sold here were not quite legal. However, no one cared. I remembered that it was cost about 10 baht per book, which was not that cheap at that period. Anyhow, whenever he could, my dad would bring home the whole set of cartoon for my brother and sister as well as me. Captain Tsubasa was the one that had a place in my heart.
Since then I have been a big fan of Japanese cartoon books. I read all kinds but there are a few of my favorite cartoonists that I want to share with you.
Definitely, my first favorite cartoonist is Fujiko F. Fujio whose comic book is the one and only best seller of all time, Doraemon, the blue cat-robot without ear traveling through time from the future. I remembered that I had to sit in front of TV every Saturday and Sunday morning to watch Doraemon and his gang’s adventure. It is one of the most creative story that expands kids’ imagination and creativity over and beyond. Even now, there are still Doraemon Movies showing every year. Also created by him are Parman, Hattori The Ninja, Q-Taro, and many more.
Fujiko F. Fujio
Doraemon	Parman
Hattori, The Ninja
Whenever I read and watch his cartoons, I just keep smiling and forget everything else, especially with Doraemon. I think I have another good friend, who has great stories to tell. I am smiling with him and sad when he’s sad. I remembered that when I met my friends at school, we were talking about Doraemon’s new episode and his new magic device from his pouch. (I believe that those of you who read this know what I am talking about.) Oh…I just want to have him for real. He could have made my life much easier.
Doraemon and the gang teach me many things, even though I do not obviously notice but I know it’s there, inside of me. He teaches me love, friendship, sacrifice, good, bad, brave, family, bonding, smiling, crying, fear, giving, caring, and most of all imagination. While he is so good in everything, he still has some flaws. Just like us, a normal human being. We have to know the goods and emphasize on them. When there are enough goods, bads will be buried. Of course, bads are there and never go away. You have to face and know your bads, the same thing that Doraemon has to face his fear of a rat.
Even now, the new generations still know Doraemon. The models and other products associated with this blue cat-robot are all over places. Even though time passes by, Doraemon is unchanged. Everyone knows Doraemon, Nobita, Shizuka, Suneo, Giant, and etc. They are everybody’s friends. Such extraordinary friends that always be in everybody’s heart!
If you want to ask me if I have any favorite Thai cartoonist, I would have to say that I don’t have one (at this moment). I am not against any Thai cartoon but I do not find it interesting or exciting. I think it’s about the story line, the drawing style, the theme, and the uniqueness. Thai people have been growing with Japanese cartoons so that it can’t help for being influenced by them, which is neither good nor bad. We just have to be ourself and be creative. That’s all.

Relic Pagoda by Chinese Zodiacs in Thailand ::|:: Part III

Now the Songkran Festival is around the corner and I am finishing the story about these pagodas according to the birth sign. Hoping that you would have time to visit one, that’s would be great.
Zodiac ::|:: Monkey
Phra That Panom Destination ::|:: Nakornpanom
Getting there ::|:: Chayangkul, Muang, Nakornpanom
Phra That Panom is the sacred place for people at both sides of Mekong River. The pagoda keeps the Buddha’s chest bone called “Phra U-Langkathat”
Within the temple’s ground, there is a pond called “Bor Nam Phra Inn” from which the water was used in an important royal events.
Zodiac ::|:: Rooster
Phra That Haribhunchai Destination ::|:: Lamphoon
Getting there ::|:: Tambon Vieng, Muang, Lamphoon
This is a very ancient temple locating in Lamphoon for a long time. There are various parts of relics being kept here in the temple such as the chest bone, the finger, and the skull bone.
I, personally, used to visit this temple since I was very young. During that time, my family traveled to Chiang Mai pretty often since my mom’s home was in Lamphoon. This temple is very old, I remembered, with some mystic feeling when you walked around the temple.
Zodiac ::|:: Dog
Phra Katekaew Chulamanee Pagoda Destination ::|:: Dawadeung Heaven
Getting there ::|:: N/A
Weird, isn’t it? Heaven? Oh…how can I go there? Anyway, this is what legend said. For us, we can visit Wat Katekaram in Chiang Mai or go to Myanmar, the Kyaikhtiyo Pagoda or, for Thais, known as “Pra That Inn-Kwaen”. For me, I was lucky enough that I had a chance to visit Myanmar last year and was blessed for having a good opportunity to pray at Kyaikhtiyo Pagoda. I remembered that on our way to the hilltop, there was a heavy rain. We stopped at one of the rest areas waiting for the rain to stop and to evaluate the situation since the road was not that good even without raining. But we all were blessed that finally we made our way up there. The pagoda itself was magnificent! For once in your life, you should visit there.
Zodiac ::|:: Boar
Wat Phra That Doi Tung Destination ::|:: Chiang Rai
Getting there ::|:: Chiang Rai
Wat Phra That Doi Tung stood at the hill top of the hill tribe from ages, 46 kilometers from the city, 2,000 meters above the sea level, and can been seen from the distance.
I wish you all the best and have a blast for this coming Songkran Festival or Thai’s New Year Day. I hope that some of you will have a chance to visit one of these beautiful pagodas. Good luck!